First published in Dutch on the 25th of May 2012

What do you actually do?
Recently a tutor said to me; “Your essays are beautifully written and give me much insight in the complexity of learning and counselling, but I still don’t know how you counsel precisely. What do you actually do in practice?”. This was a confrontational question. Apparently I have not yet sketched a clear image about that in my essays.

The basis
The basic idea behind my working method is that (solvable) learning problems stem from a combination of inadequate knowledge, subverting convictions, ineffective actions and/or impeding emotions. Counselling must then logically be aimed at a more productive teamwork between these components. Counselling must, in other words, aim at realising adequate knowledge, constructive convictions, effective actions, and supportive emotions.

My experience is that persistent learning problems mostly occur when subverting convictions and impeding emotions inhibit the individual to acquire the desirable knowledge and skills. I view this phenomenon as a mechanism and I pay much attention to it. I try to unmask how these components of the individual experience constitute the student’s functioning. Subsequently, we search for possibilities for improvement. There is of course no definite method to do this but I can clarify my working method through two practical examples.

Two cases
The first person, Adir, experienced a lot of examination stress. He studied hard but had still failed some courses due to his stress. During the resits it became even worse. He came to me with the appeal to do something about this stress. Otherwise, he wouldn’t pass the year. The second person, Marjolein, had the opposite problem. She continually wandered off from learning. She tried to put herself to it, but she didn’t manage even though she felt she was capable enough. This irritated and frustrated her which led to her doing even less. In this way, her study threatened to get stuck in the rut despite the fact that she did actually like it.

My first step
My first step was to make clear to both students that what they described to be their problems were actually the effects thereof. This might be the most important step in a personal counselling cycle; concentrate on the real causes and problems. The effect of the problem is often confused with the problem itself. This is understandable considering that the symptoms, by definition, stand out the most. The difficulty, however, is that these symptoms in themselves provide us with grisly little insight in what we can improve.
Adir focused on his stress in an attempt to reduce it, but stress in itself does not provide any starting points from which to reduce it. Adir tried, with pure willpower to lessen his stress, but of course it did not work. The stress only increased by his fixation on it. Marjolein suffered a similar fate. She put herself the objective not to wander off from studying and to stay concentrated. This is similar to the well-known objective not to think of a pink elephant. You set yourself, in doing so, a particularly problematic task, because you do not make clear for yourself how you will do this.

One has to look at the steps before the misery. The knowledge, convictions, actions, and emotions that put everything in motion are the true causes of the visible problems. The students in question have to ask themselves; what do I do, think, and feel that gives me so much stress for an exam and causes me to wander off from studying?

Two approaches; 1. Focus on desired behaviour
I make a rough distinction between two manners to make this clear to someone. In the first manner, I concentrate on the desired behaviour. This is a typical solution-oriented approach. I asked Adir whether he had once achieved something without feeling stressed. This was the case. He hadn’t felt any stress for his driving test. This was quite remarkable since many people especially feel stressed for this. I then asked him why this was so. He was able to formulate it very well; “I knew that if I failed this time I would be able to pass next time, or the time after that”. My next question was what effects these thoughts had on him. He was also clear on this; “I felt calm and had room in my head to think things over. I could just apply what I had learnt.”
Without being aware of it, he described a productive combination of thoughts, behaviour, and feelings. I pointed out to him that he behaved strikingly different when he had to study for an exam, even though these are similar achievements. He thought this was a surprising remark. He rebutted that this was a very different kind of achievement, because he had to pass now otherwise he would be sent from the program. This was indeed the case, but it was not so much this given as it was his thoughts about this given that hindered him. He had told me earlier that he had had a blackout during an exam, but that he had remembered everything afterwards. The undermining thought “it must happen now, or else…” had the effect that he did not feel calm (feeling) and had no room in his head to let that which he had learnt surface (behaviour). By searching for a situation in which he did perform and by analysing it, we were able to formulate how he wished to function and (very important!) to show that he was also capable to function in that way.

2. Focus on the misery
In the case of Marjolein I took a different approach. I especially focused on the misery. This is a typical RET (Rational-Emotive Therapy) approach. Here, you directly dissect the problems into the components of thinking, acting, and feeling. This is sometimes hard, because the student experiences one big hump of misery (It starts as soon as I get up!). With the RET one can take this apart by concentrating on three separate steps. Firstly, you formulate as precisely as possible the problematic situation (in the morning after breakfast, I immediately sit down behind my desk and tackle the book. After a quarter of an hour or twenty minutes of reading the frustration starts coming up). The second step is to describe the feeling and behaviour that arises (I feel restless, browse through the book and check my watch repetitively. My mind wanders off and I become incredibly angry with myself). The third step is to formulate the accompanying thoughts.

So what? If… then…
I let the student explore his thoughts in a specific way. The logical starting point is the first thought. I asked Marjolein to formulate the first thought that came up at the beginning of the situation. This was; “I have to study 75 pages today”. I continue the conversation with, what I call, the “so what –  if then” method. It is beyond the scope of this essay to go into detail about this method here, but the following dialogue illustrates what I mean. I asked her So what? Her reply; “If I have to study 75 pages today then I won’t be able to do it”. So what? “If I won’t be able to do it today then I have to do even more tomorrow”. So what? “If I have to do even more tomorrow then I will never be able to do it and I might just as well quit.”

One could easily continue this method for a while to see how much pressure the student experiences. The student could think; “then I won’t succeed in my study and I will have to choose another one. Then the same will happen and I will end up with no education at all. Then I will have to find a stupid job that is beneath my level and I will stay unhappy for the rest of my life”. It is sometimes worthwhile to pay attention to such fears because they can have a strong, unconscious influence and can lead to severe performance anxiety.

Thinking hazards
In Marjolein’s case, this depth was unnecessary. She already found the first series of thoughts striking and quickly saw how these hindered her. Several typical subverting convictions were laid bare and revealed every lack of nuance. The now-or-never thoughts; “I must start NOW or I will NEVER succeed”. The everything-or-nothing thought; “I have to do EVERYTHING I planned (reading 75 pages) otherwise I will have done NOTHING”. The it-has-to-come-easy thought; “I have to understand what I read IN ONE TRY otherwise it doesn’t matter”.
These convictions are simplifications, exaggerations, and generalisations that I categorised as thinking hazards in my previous essay (I think therefore I am…faulty). Marjolein saw this immediately, but some students have to be shown that their thoughts are based on unreasonable convictions.

Constructive convictions and effective actions
In the end, you want to formulate convictions and actions that the students can apply themselves. These are the tools I referred to in my essay, “Social Media and the Art of Basketball”. I wrote that such tools cannot be just given to someone. One has to create it him- or herself to achieve maximum effect. This is definitely the case for the convictions. It is very tempting to say to a now-or-never thinker that the sun will come up again tomorrow, but it is of little consequence. He has to understand that his thoughts (either true or not true) lead to an undesirable way of functioning. You have no control over a result but you do largely control your own functioning. How does the student want to function?

Marjolein and Adir had to answer this question. In the counselling of Adir this question came up early. He was also able to answer it and understand that he was actually capable to do it. He had done it before. The rest of the counselling was aimed at helping him to develop that same experience with regard to his study, and, more specifically, his exams.
Marjolein, after acquiring the insight, was quick to move on, but often you have to help someone to formulate the constructive convictions and effective actions. The past of the student here, too, is the best starting point. I make them think about achievements of which they are proud and of people that they appreciate and make them translate these to usable thoughts and behaviour. In that regard, both approaches are based on the same; you have within yourself the most important tools to help yourself.